But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
