I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I think your dad took our porno
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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