idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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