You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize