You can't motorboat a personality
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
