Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
