i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
