tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
