My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
