The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
