Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Randomize
