I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
My penis needs a shock collar
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
