Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize