I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize