the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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