The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
