Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
