NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Randomize
