Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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