Cold hands, warm shart.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
