you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
