I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Randomize
