There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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