There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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