This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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