I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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