ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
