Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
