god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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