i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
