the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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