I want to walk on stilts...naked
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
