Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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