hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
