Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
