Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
