i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
