Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
