I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize