OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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