i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
