No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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