my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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