So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
jump out the window naked night went bad
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