You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
