I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
soo... how was my night?
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