Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
People in love make me want to vomit
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize