mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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