i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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