Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
