just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Randomize
