you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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