Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
