You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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