Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
