i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize