I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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