I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
