He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Bring me that man meat
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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