I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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