I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
time to smoke my breakfast
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
