I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
