Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
