i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
whose ass print is on the piano?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize