sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
