I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Come see our sink grown plant.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
