Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
