You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
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