I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
