I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
