is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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