I'm lost and stupid without you.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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