just come out here and I will go home with you...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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