I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
