The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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