fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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