I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
